you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm both gender and math confused
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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