Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
