Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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