Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
