new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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