LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
