my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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