If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
