what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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