He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize