She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
