I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
