Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
