Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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