physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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