First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
