OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
