Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
