As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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