she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
