you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
