you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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