how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
