got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
