nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
