I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
