She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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