fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
