It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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