Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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