Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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