I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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