I accidentally burped into my bong.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
