i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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