I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize