I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
