I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
