Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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