Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low

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(443): View more from Maryland

you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.

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(847): View more from Illinois

His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.

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