I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Fuck appropriateness.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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