I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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