we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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