Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
