Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
