at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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