Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
