she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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