What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
