he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Welp...herpes.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
