Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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