i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
