I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
