Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
