"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
