i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
