Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
