So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
