so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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