So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
