Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
