remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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