hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
