Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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