I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
