omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
