I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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