I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
