Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
