Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
