woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
