I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
