Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize