Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
