So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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