HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
