he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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