when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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