normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
