just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
