So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
