I puked a lego.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
