ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
