took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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