I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
