Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
