I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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