Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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