you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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