He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
