im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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