problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
