i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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